so i have my car. i got it yesterday, i swear its like christmas on halloween. i love it, though i spent all the hard earn money from working at coles, its worth it. even now so i need to save more to get  a new stereo and car seat covers. woo super cheap auto ftw.

now to get my ps =]

5 down 1 to go HELLO FREEDOM!

i get my car this week, probably the most exciting thing to happen in ages. or and the part where i have 2 more hsc exams left, well it shall be only one when i have music tomorrow. i cant wait to be free.

I can clearly tell you i hate ancient history. errr exam 1:55pm to 5pm monday. who does that seriously? around about that time of day i'm out of it and tired, my brain isnt its intelligent state at that time. these three hours will be hell.



i've been having alot of flash backs lately, whether its only a few years or go or back further, its kinda nice but sad at them same time since i'm getting older and life isn't what it use to be.
i remember when i was younger like 5 or 6 of my parents and grandparents taking me and my relatives from England to Old Sydney Town, a theme park just based on history, i loved it and because i was so little i thought it was real, i enjoyed the walk through history, but i can never revisit that memory due to they close it down many years ago because todays generation would rather computer games and thrill rides such as the ones in QLD. its depressing how the things thats are educational are the ones to go first. damn you technological generation DAMN you

Strokes lead singer brings out solo album :Phrazes for the Young!

so Julian Casablancas from the strokes new solo album comes out the 30th of this month. I'm very excited i love his voice its the best. the deluxe edition can be bought of the internet which i am getting as a christmas present, so even though this wont be sent till december im able to download his album on the site of the day its released. hell yeah!

im definately looking forward of playing this album in my car. :)

no more english!

so i had my last english exam on yesterday, 3 essays, 19 pages later and no more =]. im pleased i think i did well, and now i never have to do english ever again. but i do miss reading. i havent read a book in so long, i use to be a book worm and now my bestfriend reads more books then me. This will be one of the many things i will be able to enjoy after i my horror of hsc. That and probably spring cleaning my room or burning or throwing out my school books either way, i'm nearly free.
but the hsc has put me in a mood, like at the moment i don't know what i want or make decisions for myself, even so my dreams have been weird lately. Today mum and i went looking at paints because mum is going to redecorate my brothers room, it made me think that it would be cool to get my room redecorated since i hate the colour of mine, but since i have my back wall covered in posters, i couldnt part with them ha. besides every colour i pick out mum goes its too dark. yeah because i hate girly colours. like why can't i have dark purple, or a dark blue, or a lime green, besides either one of those colours would go with my black curtains. arghh choices. it just directs back to i cant make decisions FML.

i hate you october

yes you have heard it, i hate october! mainly because of hsc, but right now im half way through exams and sooo looking forward into finishing. im freaking about the double major i am auditioning for the conservatorium in late november/early december. will they like my style? my performance? my talent? will i even have a high enough UAI to be accepted? if i dont get in i know i will be disappointed, scrap that how about very disappointed.
At the moment i have work off, so no income for me arghhh see this all leads back to the hsc. if i could kick the person who came up with putting 17- 18 yr olds through hell i would. because i enjoy sitting in a hall scrambling my brain with smarts words to make my test paper sound smart, or better still what has my left hand done to go through the hell of writting 4 or mores pages of an essay.
better still the other day i thought studying on my front porch listening to the strokes on my ipod was calming, well until i saw the lady accross the road staring at me from her front door like lady wtf? its rude to stare!
and theres nothing wrong sitting outside at 5pm studying, my house, my life, dont judge me.
but i do enjoy the people who ask how my exams are, my response it was good.
i feel pretty plain theses days not to mention housebound.
i will just close my eyes and wish for the 3rd of november.
its not that far away, but it feels it.

fear...change.....pathway for life

lately i have had this fear of a few things. like one answering our home phone, i know wtf i don't get it myself. we just recently got new phones and i just cant bare the ringing tone. our other phone was worst. i just don't get the fear. not at all
there are some things at the moment i do not understand and there are alot of what the hell moments when things change and you cant give a reason.
maybe i should just come to the conclusion i hate change and that basically its about me entering the world with new responsibilities and goal to have great career and future. that i ignore everything i put things a side for later because i cant deal with the million of other things that are on my plate that its time for me to make the more deeper choices in life and suffer the greater consequences..
wow i have become my own shrink, i detected the problem, now to actually fix it.

oh life why are you so unpredictable?

something more

so i havent posted a blog in ages, due to the fact i too busy with hsc ness. oh and the fact that i work as well. i serious cant wait until this year is over need-less to say i will miss it. 6 months have already flown pass i finally got to see my bestfriend and my car is nearly ready. i have come to the realisation that my formal is in september and i will have to go formal shopping. arghh alot is happening but i guess thats just life. but when i do finish school in a terms time i will be able to do what i want until uni or tafe comes along, which means more shifts at work and more money to pay off whats left of my car or saved for future life hahahaha. but still the fact that 13 years of education will be over my november will be the scariest ever. "welcome to the real world Sam".
my parents are going away sometime next year and leaving my brother and i to look after ourselves. mother thinks i wont survive. which is wrong since i will be 18 i will have a car my ps and a job that gives me money, if i cant be bothered cooking food i would go out for lunch dinner der lol.
and well my brother can do his own thing but im not giving him money haha.
this holidays i have spent most of my time watching chris lowell dvds and working and sleeping GO ME!! oh and i cleaned my room (about time) and repostered my poster wall.
right now i just feel like an adventure but everyone is too busy with other things and it just annoying. but totallly that sums up most of my thoughts that have been pendling my brain, not that exciting i must admit. im just looking for that something more in life thats meant to make me be like wow life is awesome.

hmmmm


chris lowell. haha an adventure with him would be swell :p

i know this is so cliche but life was never meant to be easy.
take my life for example it took a hell of alot of guts to get where i am today,
to learn, to have the people i met as true friends, to learn to grow a back bone and not care what people have to say to me, to defend myself, to learn to do my best i can in life.
i have my good days, i have my bad days.
i have the days where i just want to be left alone and to do my own thing, others days is when i really need a friend.
i have recently turnt a year older and im realizing stuff in life
what i do need and what i don't.
and what is clearly no good for me
and what i should just shut out move on and forget
but as I'm only human emotions are harder to throw away.
i like dreaming
i like escaping my unhappy reality, dream what i want to happen. but dreams can only get you so far. the rest you have to put effort into.
so clearly if i put the effort i put into dreaming that dream wouldn't i closer to the success i want?
hmmmmm......
anyways today i had something said to me to make me feel like i was achieving something. one of my music teachers told me that i have done so well of being organised and prepared in my music, that im the only one in our year to have the exact plan of how i want my music hsc to be.
the only one who has all songs really to practise, only one really practising songs, getting help from the outside to become better, to be on task on everything we are doing at this precised time.
this comment made me happy to know atleast the one thing the passion i have for music is still growing and expanding making me a more better person and talented. its one of thoughs passions which will never be kicked out of my life or taking from me. i would chain myself to my passion or do something really ironic to make sure it doesnt leave me.
i wish i could just shake the feeling of whats really eating me. to solve the problem
but life is full of mysteries
i guess the best thing i can do at the moment is to suck it up, be strong and carry on living till life isn't that hard.
but then again life is just a rollercoaster, no one knows what next or the ups and downs or what bumps and detours await along the way.
i just hope i can find my true happiness.
then maybe i can be happy...

another day

so today i have decided to have a blog, i thought what the heck i try something new.
my day today has been pretty ordinary, holidays are good but i guess when its the HSC year, you don't see holidays like you use to like when you were younger. i guess I'm growing up. my birthday is in 2 weeks and I'm a waiting for my precious car i am meant to be getting soon. holidays are nearly over and then i will enjoy the early mornings of catching a bus to survive my last two terms of school before my year all sit in the binni for hours on in writing about what we have learnt all year. intersting and exciting aye? no not really. i get the question alot of what you going to do with life? and i love coming back with the exact things i want to do in the next 2 years, yes i will defer uni to finish off my music industry course and yes im going to uni to become a music teacher. and no there is nothing else in this world that could change my mind about this.
yes its my life dream and my desire
question is will i make it?