i need to escape.

I'm 18,
I have a car but not my P's.
I'm at uni doing newstep and hating and realising i dont know what i want in life.
I'm the eldest child but yet still get treated like im too young to do what i want.
I want to be happy but the ground around me crumbles,
I want to see my bestfriends but 2 moved away and one works 24/7.
I want to be organised yet i'm very untidy.
I want to be thin but let alone i fail at dieting.
I want an adventure but i have no time.
I want to live life to the fullest, but don't know what the fullest could possible be.

i want all these things to come true and that the negatives that follow what i want in each sentence not to be there.

:(

you really do make me smile. =]

pretty sure it made me glad to see there are  facebook pages/groups called : i hate Matt Smith as the new doctor who!

i'm willing to see what he has to offer to the show, but he will never beat the marvellous skills, talents and performance of David Tennant.


I"m sorry, I'm so sorry Matt Smith but you will never be my doctor.

this weekend's adventures...

1. WICKED the musical, hello rob mills :p

2. SHOPPING yes im going to raid for clothes and books and probably shoes =]

3. SOUNDWAVE hello awesome bands and band merch XD


let this weekend be good i really do need it.

what i did want crumbled and what i still want wont happen


i give up.

 

pretty sure watching Doctor Who boxsets is mainly my life at the moment.

man, i'm going to miss David Tennant being the Doctor.

his such a babe.

Matt Smith has Very Big shoes to fill.

Everything happens for a reason?

So, I've been looking back on the passed year or so and wondering why some things turnt out the way they did. Everyone knows the saying, "Everything happens for a reason" but this is where i lose my understanding as i dont understand some of the events that have happened in my life and is there meant to be a great meaning about them. or am i just looking way too deep. Aparently according by "professionals" unexpected events are meant to help to make other decisions and change the way and approach on how you tackle life, but once again its lead me to wtf. metaphorically speaking my so called events are like waiting for a package in the mail. You know its coming but you dont know when. but hopefully with patience and time it will finally arrive. hmmm maybe im approaching this wrong. maybe instead of just waiting i should also put my foot down and do something to make things happen. once again its lead me to huh?
my mother likes to tell me that she can see my path ahead and that my plan in life is just right there, but i just cant see it. she is right i dont see it coz i can't see anything there to see. once again you can see my pessimistic/optimistic  outlook on life.

i just dont know anymore....

so im establishing nothing i do, will ever turn out with a good outcome.
i feel like im stuck in a maze going around around, same old problems, thoughts, feelings that i had before. you would of thought i would of learn by now. nope obviously getting burnt over and over again thinking maybe things might change would help change the situation, obviously i  am too naive and an idiot of thinking that.
SAM for hecks sake, just face the facts.
1. it will never happen in a million years.
2. stop hoping it will
3.learn to move on!

i wish i would take my own advice but obviously its not going to happen.

 "YOU WONT BE NEEDING THIS ANYMORE!"

2010

so its now 2010. scary i know, in four months i shall be 18 heck yes. i think im glad to see the new year, a fresh start where i want to make the right decisions and the right choice in how i want my life to turn out. i feel that just maybe this year i might have the luck i need to make me alittle happier then what i am now, to be honest i feel im stuck, its like there is a pitch fork in my road and im awaiting for something to remove it because its stopping me getting to where i want to be, i just hope its sometime soon i just want my life to pan out right.
some days i really think i have too high expectations for myself and that i push myself and i am to hard on myself that the things that i have done are not good enough. but i guess its just the way i am. i just hope i can a achieve well this year.
but in the mean time im working  and will be starting newstep in march, which is a big change.
i hoping by the end of this year i will get into bachelor of music, have my p's, find myself a decent guy, pay off my debts and saved for a trip over seas paris and venice would do lovely.. =]

only time can tell..