i know this is so cliche but life was never meant to be easy.
take my life for example it took a hell of alot of guts to get where i am today,
to learn, to have the people i met as true friends, to learn to grow a back bone and not care what people have to say to me, to defend myself, to learn to do my best i can in life.
i have my good days, i have my bad days.
i have the days where i just want to be left alone and to do my own thing, others days is when i really need a friend.
i have recently turnt a year older and im realizing stuff in life
what i do need and what i don't.
and what is clearly no good for me
and what i should just shut out move on and forget
but as I'm only human emotions are harder to throw away.
i like dreaming
i like escaping my unhappy reality, dream what i want to happen. but dreams can only get you so far. the rest you have to put effort into.
so clearly if i put the effort i put into dreaming that dream wouldn't i closer to the success i want?
hmmmmm......
anyways today i had something said to me to make me feel like i was achieving something. one of my music teachers told me that i have done so well of being organised and prepared in my music, that im the only one in our year to have the exact plan of how i want my music hsc to be.
the only one who has all songs really to practise, only one really practising songs, getting help from the outside to become better, to be on task on everything we are doing at this precised time.
this comment made me happy to know atleast the one thing the passion i have for music is still growing and expanding making me a more better person and talented. its one of thoughs passions which will never be kicked out of my life or taking from me. i would chain myself to my passion or do something really ironic to make sure it doesnt leave me.
i wish i could just shake the feeling of whats really eating me. to solve the problem
but life is full of mysteries
i guess the best thing i can do at the moment is to suck it up, be strong and carry on living till life isn't that hard.
but then again life is just a rollercoaster, no one knows what next or the ups and downs or what bumps and detours await along the way.
i just hope i can find my true happiness.
then maybe i can be happy...